The Pain of Disappointment

The journey of a writer is full of ups and downs. We have to be creative, looking at the world in different ways to most, paying attention to every little detail. We have to be sensitive, understanding, to get into our characters’ heads. We have to be dedicated, able to work alone in a room where no one can bother us for hours on end. We have to be strong too. We have to be able to accept critic and allow it to form us, shape us and improve our skills.

I realised today that I have a long way to go before I can call myself a writer. I’ve been fooling myself thinking that I was already one; that I was prepared to delve into the terrifying world of publishers and editors. The fact is that I’m not and I may not be for a long, long time. Maybe not ever.

It’s a sad fact but I have to face up to it.

This doesn’t mean I’ll give up on my dream, though. No, I love writing; it’s the reason for my being. Nothing brings me as much joy as writing something I can be proud of. However, it’s time to pull my head out of the clouds. If I want this dream to become a reality then I have to be prepared to hear comments that are blunt and true. I’ve got to try and use that critic to help me, to enable me to improve. Otherwise I’ll keep on going down the same path and that’s not what I want. If I let it get me down then I should give up right now.

But I can’t help it. The truth hurts.

I suppose you’re wondering what has brought all this on so I’ll tell you.

To help me improve my skills I signed up onto a writing course. It’s a course that is done online where you can speak to a tutor over email rather than face to face. I email the assignments, the tutor marks them and then they send them back with helpful critic.

I got my first assignment back today and I suppose the comments, though worded gently, hurt me. I’d written a short story about a ghost for a competition I saw in a magazine. It was my first attempt (I wrote it before the sci-fi fiction) and I felt like I’d really achieved something. I felt so proud that I’d managed to break away from the fantasy genre, to look into real life situations. I thought it held emotion; I thought it would touch people who’d been through a similar situation.

The tutor didn’t agree.

She said it had promise, but really it didn’t have much of a chance in a competition, purely because there was nothing achieved in the plot. She was right; it was simply a tale of woe, of a family who’d been affected by an unexpected death. There was no twist, no sense of hope, but that’s what I liked about it! You felt the ghost’s despair, the knowledge that it could no longer help the family it had left behind.

I suppose I hadn’t expected such negative feedback. After all, I was so happy with the outcome. Her comments came as a shock. My heart sank. My immediate reaction was to give up on the course, to throw the damn story away. It’s childish and immature, and I’m ashamed now that I think about it. I need to strengthen myself against these comments and not take them so personally. The tutor is only trying to help and I should let her! After all I signed up for the course for the very reason that I could receive an honest opinion on my work.

So, I’m going to rewrite my short story, add a bit of hope, add some development and I’ll submit it and see what happens. I took all the time to discover the plot and characters, took the effort to get some critic, so why not give it a go? The worst that can happen is I get nowhere, but I’ll still get nowhere if I let the story fade away.

I’ll let you know how I get on.

Short Story Slump

I’m confused.

I finished a short story for a competition mid-January – in time for once! But, ever since finishing it, I’ve been reluctant to go back and make corrections.

This short story was in a genre that I had touched on, but never really fully immersed myself in. Since my speciality is fantasy, I rarely step out of that box. However, this short story was sci-fi. It had aliens and space and spaceships and really, it was like a breath of fresh air! It was almost as if I’d been suffocating in the fantasy ocean for far too long. I was beginning to drown in all the mythical, fantastical ways of the genre, forgetting that actually there’s a lot more out there if only I’d take the time to look.

I was so inspired! The story just flowed constantly. There was no sudden blockage, no getting carried off course. The three days that it took me to write were some of the best I’d had in a long time. To delve into new characters, discover new personalities and describe something that I hadn’t been able to before. It was wonderful.

I have to admit, that writing a fantasy series that is on the whole very serious, writing something with a bit of humour was a great relief.

But then, when I’d finished it, I read it back a few times and noticed – as of course there would be – quite a few mistakes that needed ironing out. So, determined to go through and do the editing I read through, corrected mistakes, only to find that the plot needed bulking out a bit. I’ve come across this before, of course, but somehow, the story that brought me so much joy has remained unopened since that day.

It just sits there, waiting to be opened. The entry closing date is drawing closer, but to open that file and do the corrections seems to be a chore and I don’t know why! I’ve never had this problem before, especially not with something that brought me a lot of joy.

Maybe I just need to force myself to do it and the enthusiasm will return. I really do want to get it ready to be sent off in time. It’d be a shame not too; since I really do think it might stand a chance.

Anyway I’ll keep you updated.

Mel

The Journey Begins

Well, now that the introductions are over and done with I suppose I should explain what I’m going to use this blog for.

There are hundreds of reasons why people choose to set up a blog. Some might want to keep in contact with friends, others might want to burn off some steam whilst some might just want to have a splurge of random thoughts that they want to keep. For me, however, a blog is going to be a record of my thoughts and feelings whilst I write – or not write if a block happens to hit. It’ll hold my inspirations, my muses, whom you’ll probably read about at some point, and my fears as I tackle the task of becoming a better and better writer.

I want this blog to be something I can look back on at later times and draw inspiration from the words I have written. I want to be able to read back and gain courage from times when I was feeling at my highest.

This blog is going to keep me going!

It is going to be a record of my journey as I battle my way into becoming a recognised writer. And hey, if that never happens and I never get published, I’ll still have this blog here as a reminder of what I was trying to accomplish.

Introductions

I suppose I should begin this blog by giving you a description of myself, that way, if you continue to read my mindless drivel you can somewhat imagine the creature behind these words.

Firstly, I won’t describe my personality because really, I don’t know what to say! The only descriptive word that comes to mind is; dreamer. I tend to daydream a lot, in fact most of my day is spent daydreaming about stories and fantasy worlds that I would love to visit.

I am 22 years old, not too tall but not too short, with brown hair that is not too dark and not too light. I have blue eyes, and a smile that would be considered perfect – if it were not for my one very crooked tooth. I have the build of a broom handle, a laugh that has the tendency to change in pitch depending on my mood and an annoying habit of humming along to radio songs.

I live in a square house in a square and untidy room that has one square window in the wall. My square house is in a street full of other square houses. The street is in a boring little town and the town is in the land of England.

I have a simple, average job that takes up 37 hours of my week and attend college one evening a week for my Japanese class. Saiyu senji koyo!

My hobbies consist of writing, playing the piano (badly), walking the dog, reading, surfing the ‘net, role-playing and watching films.

My taste in music varies from Enya to Black Sabbath, though I do tend to be rather picky. Currently my favourite band is Sonata Arctica; I listen to them pretty much every day.

And it you were to ask, which you probably wouldn’t, the thing I’d most love to do in the world would be to sit in a forest and listen to the wild wolves howling to the moon.

All in all I am your average (though geeky) human being. Neither smart nor stupid but quite able to amble along in life without too much trouble.

Oh, and you can call me Mel.